Today is the 25 hour day, right? Or is it still really only 24 hours? I actually have no idea (just like I am not sure if I will be continuing or discontinuing this blog). So, here I am, with a dilemma. What to do?
That seems to be the question I have been asking myself a lot lately. The answer has typically been anywhere from "Wait" to "I'm not sure" or "Try a little harder". Realistically, there is not much I can do... I have to believe that there is a greater plan and that if I focus I can align my choices with that plan. Just like daylight savings, we turn the clock back, and give ourselves some extra time, I believe that if we wait, aren't sure, and try just a little harder, we can give ourselves some extra time. What is enough time?
The time we have is all we have. Everyone says it, but how many of us know it and live it? I know most days I let that philosophy slip out of my mind. A new goal is going to be to take more time out of the day to think about how I am a member of this world, at this time, in this moment.
These are my thoughts, and perhaps my final thoughts, for this blog. But, who knows!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Why do we run?
Why do they run? I
used to ask myself this question all the time, why the heck anyone would enjoy
running. Now that I have joined the running bandwagon, I find myself asking
another question, why do WE run? I don’t know why everyone runs – I hardly know
why I run, but I know why I keep running.
Clarity. When I
run I am able to clear my mind and just think about my goal. Whatever that goal
may be 1 mile, 3 miles, 1 hour – it doesn’t matter what the goal is, but it is
what consumes my thoughts while I am running. When I run other thoughts are
destined to cross my mind, which I embrace and entertain, but the moment it is
a thought of worry I gently remind myself in this moment there is no worry –
just my goal. Running has helped me use this clarity of thought in other
aspects of my life.
Friendship. Even
when I didn’t run regularly and still was curious why others ran – I knew I
enjoyed running. There has just always been something so extremely gratifying
about running. This year a good friend and I decided we were going to run in a
marathon by the time we graduate with our master’s. We were able to support
each other, challenge each other, and be there for each other during this
running endeavor. While there is value in motivating yourself, there is something
special about having a running partner and friend to help you meet your goals.
Focus. When I meet my running goals, or even when I don't, I am amazed at how much I was able to run. How much focus I was able to have to meet this goal. One thing running has taught me is how to keep focus to meet a goal. I think you will find the same thing with running - once you start running you will see that you are able to focus on your goals, whatever they may be.
I always wanted to run, I was scared and didn't think I would be able to do it, but I started and I gained so much from it. Have you always wanted to run? What is holding you back? It might be hard at first, but overtime you will see progress and you may even find you love it! Please share your journey with me @byebyeryan
In peace,
Ryan
Monday, April 30, 2012
Commitment
A running joke between me and some of my friends is that I have commitment issues. While this is partially true, and partially not true, it does have me motivated to meet my goal of two posts a month!
Why would you say I have commitment issues? Well because it does take me a while to warm up to an idea that will have a lasting effect on me. I like to think of myself as a spontaneous planner - I love spontaneity in my life, but I also like to have plans, and I like to know where things are headed. But I like to have options, no I love to have options. This had me thinking about how this applies to my life (i.e. where did this come from, how does it help/hinder me) .
Where does this come from? Growing up I quickly became a planner - I had a very stern step-father (now ex) who wanted to know exactly what my plans were, where I was going, and what was happening. On top of that the home environment was not exactly the most pleasant, and the way I made that better was by planning out not only my future, but my day-to-day life, by the hour. There were days, that I can remember, especially the weekends, where I would calculate how many hours of downtime I would have in the house. So because of this I am a planner. I enjoy having a plan, but as I've grown I've learned to enjoy the spontaneity of life and look for those opportunities to continue growing in this area. I also truly think this is where my need for options comes from as well. Just in case one plan fell through, at least there was another.
How does this help and/or hinder me? I think this, sometimes conflicting, need for plans and options and spontaneity in my life causes me unnecessary anxiety. Yet it really helps me with my focus, it enables me to focus in on what my goals are while staying open to new possibilities.I do not allow this "commitment issue" to affect my work - I am dedicated to the work I do, my students, and my department.
Have you faced some of these experiences with commitment? If you have here are some tips. I would also love to hear your tips! Let me know on twitter @byebyeryan
1. Own it. Self-awareness is the first step.
2. Take on commitments that you can handle.
3. In the end do what's best for you! Keeping your options open - is not an excuse to not choose something or lead people on. Make your intentions known.
Why would you say I have commitment issues? Well because it does take me a while to warm up to an idea that will have a lasting effect on me. I like to think of myself as a spontaneous planner - I love spontaneity in my life, but I also like to have plans, and I like to know where things are headed. But I like to have options, no I love to have options. This had me thinking about how this applies to my life (i.e. where did this come from, how does it help/hinder me) .
Where does this come from? Growing up I quickly became a planner - I had a very stern step-father (now ex) who wanted to know exactly what my plans were, where I was going, and what was happening. On top of that the home environment was not exactly the most pleasant, and the way I made that better was by planning out not only my future, but my day-to-day life, by the hour. There were days, that I can remember, especially the weekends, where I would calculate how many hours of downtime I would have in the house. So because of this I am a planner. I enjoy having a plan, but as I've grown I've learned to enjoy the spontaneity of life and look for those opportunities to continue growing in this area. I also truly think this is where my need for options comes from as well. Just in case one plan fell through, at least there was another.
How does this help and/or hinder me? I think this, sometimes conflicting, need for plans and options and spontaneity in my life causes me unnecessary anxiety. Yet it really helps me with my focus, it enables me to focus in on what my goals are while staying open to new possibilities.I do not allow this "commitment issue" to affect my work - I am dedicated to the work I do, my students, and my department.
Have you faced some of these experiences with commitment? If you have here are some tips. I would also love to hear your tips! Let me know on twitter @byebyeryan
1. Own it. Self-awareness is the first step.
2. Take on commitments that you can handle.
3. In the end do what's best for you! Keeping your options open - is not an excuse to not choose something or lead people on. Make your intentions known.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The core, the pit, the seed
Isn't interesting that the core or the pit of most fruits is also the seed?
What is at the core anyways? Today I had a very meaningful conversation with one of my students where we talked about how sometimes relationships can take a wrong turn because we as people inherently change. This change is hopefully good and hopefully it is the result of an experience we learned from, yet how does it (or doesn't it) affect your core? Well that is really up to you. Some experiences in life are going to be so deep rooted in who you are that it may shape your core a little while at the same time there are going to be experiences in your life that because you are so confident in your core that you are able to withstand. Yet I know I am an ever-evolving person, I know there are some things that I believe in firmly, but I am open to change. My perspectives, philosophies, etc. will change from time to time or be influenced, but deep down inside of me there is something - a core of sorts.
The experience that I shared with my student was in regard to the divorces of my parents. We were talking about taking risks, walls we have in relationships, and allowing ourselves to get hurt. I encouraged her, and myself, to take risks, to be in a place where we can get hurt - because we will learn from those experience. She told me that she has always believed that, "when you get hurt, don't harden yourself, forgive yourself, be kind, and remember who you are". What a great philosophy to have! I thought to myself, this is the greatest advice I have heard in awhile. We are who we are because of our experiences. We're all subject to change, even our core, but deep down we all hold in our pit the seeds for change. I encourage my students to take risks, I encourage myself to do the same!
What is at the core anyways? Today I had a very meaningful conversation with one of my students where we talked about how sometimes relationships can take a wrong turn because we as people inherently change. This change is hopefully good and hopefully it is the result of an experience we learned from, yet how does it (or doesn't it) affect your core? Well that is really up to you. Some experiences in life are going to be so deep rooted in who you are that it may shape your core a little while at the same time there are going to be experiences in your life that because you are so confident in your core that you are able to withstand. Yet I know I am an ever-evolving person, I know there are some things that I believe in firmly, but I am open to change. My perspectives, philosophies, etc. will change from time to time or be influenced, but deep down inside of me there is something - a core of sorts.
The experience that I shared with my student was in regard to the divorces of my parents. We were talking about taking risks, walls we have in relationships, and allowing ourselves to get hurt. I encouraged her, and myself, to take risks, to be in a place where we can get hurt - because we will learn from those experience. She told me that she has always believed that, "when you get hurt, don't harden yourself, forgive yourself, be kind, and remember who you are". What a great philosophy to have! I thought to myself, this is the greatest advice I have heard in awhile. We are who we are because of our experiences. We're all subject to change, even our core, but deep down we all hold in our pit the seeds for change. I encourage my students to take risks, I encourage myself to do the same!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Amendments
Dear Best Friend,
So many things can change in such short amount of time. One second you might be planning to take your friend to the airport and have yourself be taken to the airport, only to be in a car at 1:30 in the morning headed to another state, the opposite direction of where you are headed. The day I was supposed to travel home I was supposed to fly from Lubbock to Las Vegas to Oakland. Instead I got in a car with my friend and drove to Omaha/Council Bluffs and was finally on a plane to Oakland. Now it's a new year (this post will aim to not be your stereotypical reflection of a year - while being a stereotypical post reflecting on the year that has past) and so much has happened and so many changes have been mad, and amended, to my life - just like the example above.
This past year (really the past 6 months) so much has changed in my life. I hope the changes keep a coming. Now that that's all typed out I wonder how much of that statement is true. While I like change, there are many things dear to me in life that I wouldn't want changed. Yet there are so many things I would change. I guess the tricky part about amendments is that you don't necessarily know their outcome. I could spend hours upon hours trying to strategize the outcomes of changes in my life, but really where would that get me. This leads me to my next topic of choices and control.
How much control do we really have? Better yet how much control do I have. The answerer, a ton, and none at the same time. To an extent I control how I feel, and what I do, but I can't control others - not that I would want to, because really my own life is enough! Also can I really control my emotions - sure - to a point but then nature takes control. In 2012 I want to learn to accept this one step further and just let it happen. On this topic one can go back to expectations and relationships. We control who we enter relationships with and the expectations we set for those relationships. We should all aim to be grateful for what we have, and stop making life complicated (sorry to be preachy) and myself included perhaps I am mostly talking to myself.
Remember - Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary.
So many things can change in such short amount of time. One second you might be planning to take your friend to the airport and have yourself be taken to the airport, only to be in a car at 1:30 in the morning headed to another state, the opposite direction of where you are headed. The day I was supposed to travel home I was supposed to fly from Lubbock to Las Vegas to Oakland. Instead I got in a car with my friend and drove to Omaha/Council Bluffs and was finally on a plane to Oakland. Now it's a new year (this post will aim to not be your stereotypical reflection of a year - while being a stereotypical post reflecting on the year that has past) and so much has happened and so many changes have been mad, and amended, to my life - just like the example above.
This past year (really the past 6 months) so much has changed in my life. I hope the changes keep a coming. Now that that's all typed out I wonder how much of that statement is true. While I like change, there are many things dear to me in life that I wouldn't want changed. Yet there are so many things I would change. I guess the tricky part about amendments is that you don't necessarily know their outcome. I could spend hours upon hours trying to strategize the outcomes of changes in my life, but really where would that get me. This leads me to my next topic of choices and control.
How much control do we really have? Better yet how much control do I have. The answerer, a ton, and none at the same time. To an extent I control how I feel, and what I do, but I can't control others - not that I would want to, because really my own life is enough! Also can I really control my emotions - sure - to a point but then nature takes control. In 2012 I want to learn to accept this one step further and just let it happen. On this topic one can go back to expectations and relationships. We control who we enter relationships with and the expectations we set for those relationships. We should all aim to be grateful for what we have, and stop making life complicated (sorry to be preachy) and myself included perhaps I am mostly talking to myself.
Remember - Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
An end of a beginning, new ends, and new beginnings
Dear Best Friend,
Another semester of school has come and gone. It was a pretty quick semester and I can't believe grad school is a quarter done already. It seems like just a few weeks ago I was landing in Lubbock and getting picked up by people I hardly knew. So much has happened since I've been here; I've bought a car, started a new job, and made some lifelong friends. It hasn't all been easy - it's been a long time since I've seen my family. Even though I am used to not seeing them often it is still tolling to only see them once a year. On a positive note I will see them tomorrow and today is my opportunity to reflect on this beginning thats coming to an end.
I wonder how much I have truly learned this semester. A ton. How many more questions do I have though.... So many. I know more of who I want to be, who I want to surround myself with, but not really any more of what I want to do with this crazy thing we call life. I love my current line of work, and can see myself in this field for a while, but probably not forever. I think eventually I will tire of living in a "dorm". Working with students is extremely rewarding and that is what I would like to do... Maybe some day I would like to teach.
One thing I am so excited for break is to start re-reading all the Harry Potter books and start taking notes on them for a paper some friends and I are going to write. These two people have been so great to have here. They have helped me so much more then they know and mean so much to me. I am extremely lucky to have them in my life and to call them my greatest friends.
Tomorrow is the day I get to see my beautiful brothers and mom, but today I get to enjoy now.
Another semester of school has come and gone. It was a pretty quick semester and I can't believe grad school is a quarter done already. It seems like just a few weeks ago I was landing in Lubbock and getting picked up by people I hardly knew. So much has happened since I've been here; I've bought a car, started a new job, and made some lifelong friends. It hasn't all been easy - it's been a long time since I've seen my family. Even though I am used to not seeing them often it is still tolling to only see them once a year. On a positive note I will see them tomorrow and today is my opportunity to reflect on this beginning thats coming to an end.
I wonder how much I have truly learned this semester. A ton. How many more questions do I have though.... So many. I know more of who I want to be, who I want to surround myself with, but not really any more of what I want to do with this crazy thing we call life. I love my current line of work, and can see myself in this field for a while, but probably not forever. I think eventually I will tire of living in a "dorm". Working with students is extremely rewarding and that is what I would like to do... Maybe some day I would like to teach.
One thing I am so excited for break is to start re-reading all the Harry Potter books and start taking notes on them for a paper some friends and I are going to write. These two people have been so great to have here. They have helped me so much more then they know and mean so much to me. I am extremely lucky to have them in my life and to call them my greatest friends.
Tomorrow is the day I get to see my beautiful brothers and mom, but today I get to enjoy now.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Giving of Thanks
Dear Best Friend,
Another thanksgiving has come and pass and I had the chance to spend it with some truly wonderful people. First off the family we stayed with, the Reddings, are phenomenal people and were so welcoming and drank wine like water so I felt right at home. First we weren't sure if we were at the right house, but we walked up and in and we were at 1305 Tanager Drive and Mama Redding was quick to welcome us with open arms and calling me Prince William. There was so much food and so many people, and so so much alcohol. The next morning we woke up at 7 to go to downtown Dallas and "run" the Turkey Trot 5k, which we didn't realize was going to be so cool because we got to see Downtown Dallas in a whole new light. What was really great was making the road trip down from Lubbock to Dallas, and back, with two friends. I love being able to just sit in a car, sing, go off road, get speeding tickets and have a blast the whole time. Being with a family and great friends I realize how lucky I really am, there really isn't much to be upset about in the world. It's a beautiful life.
"When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have."
Another thanksgiving has come and pass and I had the chance to spend it with some truly wonderful people. First off the family we stayed with, the Reddings, are phenomenal people and were so welcoming and drank wine like water so I felt right at home. First we weren't sure if we were at the right house, but we walked up and in and we were at 1305 Tanager Drive and Mama Redding was quick to welcome us with open arms and calling me Prince William. There was so much food and so many people, and so so much alcohol. The next morning we woke up at 7 to go to downtown Dallas and "run" the Turkey Trot 5k, which we didn't realize was going to be so cool because we got to see Downtown Dallas in a whole new light. What was really great was making the road trip down from Lubbock to Dallas, and back, with two friends. I love being able to just sit in a car, sing, go off road, get speeding tickets and have a blast the whole time. Being with a family and great friends I realize how lucky I really am, there really isn't much to be upset about in the world. It's a beautiful life.
"When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have."
- Stephen Hawking
Now for some insight into where I am at with expectations for relationships. I think they are inherently going to arise and are natural and can lead to hurt, disappointment, and pain (which isn't always bad). But like the quote above states I think we must always be able to remove our expectations and look at a situation to truly appreciate what we have. Expectations are important and I think the ultimate expectation is that they care for you as much as you care for them.
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