Affirmation of Love

Dear Best Friend,

Last night was a little crazy, but what else is new - being crazy is what I do best. I love my life and the time I get to spend with really awesome friends. Lately I have gotten so much affirmation in the realm of friendship. I've really appreciated it and really appreciate the friendships. So funny how life happens - just let it happen and you'll be so happy. I have been able to have a lot of great times with my new friends here - I believe it's even safe to say my best friends here. These people will be in my life perpetually now and that makes me so happy and grateful that I have been so lucky to have these people in my life. The other night one of them told us that he had been rethinking how his wedding party would look... I think that is just the nicest thing someone can say. I love affirming the love that I have for these new relationships and I absolutely love when they are affirmed in natural beautiful ways!

I've been able to realize that I am just a crazy kid trying to live life with no regrets. I was asked last week what is one thing I want people to remember about me when I leave, and my answer for sure is that having fun is the most important part of life. I just want to keep working on being the best me that I can be because it seems to be working. What else can I be, except for me, and there is really nothing I would rather be. Sometimes I am embarrassing, loud and way out there but I think that's perfect! What I love most is the people that fall into my life because of who I am. I think they are a major part in what makes my life so beautiful!

Mirror of Erised

Dear Best Friend,

I am so sorry I haven't written in a long, long, long time! No excuses though. Today is a day of reflection, because I feel like so much is happening, has happened, and will continue to happen. I've already been here since July, it has been 3 months - going on 4 - that I have lived in Lubbock, TX. It seems like just yesterday I was moving back to California. There is so much to reflect about right now and I don't know where to start, except with maybe friendship - that always seems like a great place.

I think one lesson I am continually learning and reminding myself of is that I need to just be comfortable with myself and secure in my position in the world, because I am going to create my own happiness. Other people are going to have an influence, but how I respond is ultimately my decision. The question is always going to be to play it safe or get hurt - I think I'm allowing myself the opportunity to get hurt. I have expectations of my friends, and I hope they have them back for me. I also know I have allowed myself to feel connected to these new friends, and that all excites and terrifies me because I want these people in my life for a significant amount of my life (a.k.a the rest of it). I need to feel secure in my position as these people's friend, and know that they like me for me, but sometimes that's hard, it can be hard to feel valued back - and this issue is rooted deeper then the here and now. Life is good, it is better to have loved then never have loved at all. And I love my new friends. I love my life and myself!

This is just one of the many things on my mind as of late. But friend I want to know what you think about hope, and how much control we can actually have on our life? I think hope is the most beautiful ideas in the world. We should teach it to everyone, to hope for better, and faith, to hold faith that all is beautiful in the world. Also friend I promise I will have a new poem for you ASAP!

Ticket to Ride

Completed my first full week of graduate classes, homework, work and a social life. It feels like it has been weeks since I have had to balance this many aspects of my life, but I am enjoying it and am starting to really think my classes will be fun! Thank goodness we have a three-day weekend... It seems so odd now that I have a job that requires me to work in the office 5 days a week to really have the weekends to look forward to. No more TGIThursday. Who even came up with the idea of a weekend, who decided that 2/7 of your life was an appropriate amount of time to have off. I mean come on shouldn't they have upped it to 3/7 of the week. No here we are stuck with a 5 day work week and only 2 days to recover. Oh well, I guess this is the welcome to a "real" working life. I am so grateful of this opportunity, and am really looking forward to the challenges.

This weekend was great! I got to paint and hang out with some friends and learn some new things. I have a new six word memoir. Let it be, cherish the moment. That's all we can do. Last night was probably one of my favorite memories of grad school thus far. "You're my best-friend here" is probably the nicest thing anyone could say to me and most meaningful thing anyone could say. I love my friends and am loyal to them till the end of time. Friends that paint together, faint together, laugh together. 

Unfortunately I scratched my painting idea of hope with splatter paint around it. But hope is probably my favorite idea/advice. I do love the idea of hope and always hope to have it in my life. Look where it has gotten me this far. 

Funfetti Pancakes and Soapsuds

Structure and routine are seriously lacking in my life and have been since... May... No before that! It feels like just last week I was packing up to leave NAU, but also ages ago and so much has happened/changed since then. I love my new apartment, university, job, staff and friends (especially those special ones)! I think the hardest part of this transition is learning to not have the same expectations for people because they are all new in my life, and to allow relationships to grow on their own! I just hope to leave Tech with some very close friends, and that is all I need!

Hold true, be strong, have faith

If only life was as simple as a six word memoir, but sometimes it really is. I am now living in Texas and will for the next 2 years... It still blows my mind and I continuously have "Oh shit" moments. I am excited, nervous, anxious, and a slew of many other emotions for these next two years. Excited for new professional experiences, friends, and just life... and even school. I am really looking forward to getting into a routine. Nervous and anxious because it takes awhile for me to really trust people, for me to let people know me, to feel comfortable somewhere, and its just plain scary transplanting yourself 20 hours (driving) away from your family. Also learning new people's styles, personalities and mannerisms comes with this territory. I have really enjoyed it thus far, I believe I am making headway in the friends department, my apartment is starting to come together which is great and I feel all around comfortable. I think for me friends is the most important part of a new place, because they are whose there when times get rough, they keep you company and share meals with you. Door decs soon to come! I had such a great time going out this past weekend, it was a ton of fun and well worth it! Always be true.

For some reason Texas seems so much further than Arizona did, no more direct flights from Phoenix to Oakland, no more sharing a border or a time zone for half the year... I miss my family. This probably wasn't the best time to leave them, and I know my mom told me not to worry about them, but I can't help it I love them so much. Everything will work out, and it will all happen for a reason, and hopefully it all works out this week-it would be so great for my mom if this was over! Another difficult part has been not having someone to really talk to-don't want to go into information overload. Someday. In two years I hope to get a job closer to home. I have to remind myself not to allow my vulnerabilities to creep in, especially during this time, especially when I am vulnerable-just accept it, go with it, and it will be okay, Just let it be. Stay strong.

In the end it will all work out. Have faith.

A train to nowhere, an adventure to everywhere

I just took the Amtrak train for the very first time as an actual mode of travel by myself. I don't count the times my mom says we took the train when I was a kid, I don't even remember those! Needless to say I loved traveling via train (minus the extra time it took) it was very nice to be able to read the whole way. Something about the train was so liberating to do it all on my own and be able to travel without a vehicle. In a roundtrip Sacramento-Monterey I was able to finish The Hunger Games and Catching Fire, and then Mockingjay when I got home... More about the series to come. More about my trip!

I arrived in Monterey in the afternoon and was able to head to a cafe near the ocean and just look over the water till my friends (fellow RAs) arrived and we headed to our hotel! I love spending time at the ocean, which is something I will always miss as long as I don't live near it... While Texas has beaches I believe in North West Texas is probably somewhere around 8-12 hours away from the ocean! I feel so fortunate to have been able to see my friend (old supervisor) get married, it confirmed the beauty of life all around us! 

Now onto The Hunger Games Trilogy... It was captivating at best. I really enjoyed the first book (The Hunger Games) but from the second I opened Catching Fire I was disappointed. It was so short, so so short. It could have been longer and developed more of a connection to the characters. I loved the characters, but I could have loved them even more, they could have been developed more... Unfortunately I think the author rushed to get the product out (increase instant income) instead of taking time and releasing the books farther apart giving the audience what they deserve. This is why I will always love Jk Rowling, she gave the audience what we deserved and because of that she has one of the most loyal fan bases, and can continue with Pottermore. 

And now for the necessary section devoted to how I am feeling about moving to Texas in 18 days! Well if you can't tell by the countdown I am getting quite excited. I am so ready to make those door decs, have my own staff and start bonding! I am even getting excited to buy books and head to my first Grad classes... Perhaps I am not as excited for the homework to start up again! More then the latter I am so excited for the new friends I am going to make! I am even more excited to be able to hang out with the people I have started making friendships with! TTU, Pro Housing Staff, and Stangle Hall see y'all soon!

Pomp and Circumstance

*This may be a little late, but I guess in Blog world it doesn't matter!

I still am having difficulties believing that I graduated from COLLEGE! Its so unreal, and maybe because I am going back to school in the fall, but nonetheless it is such a bittersweet experience. I am going to miss my alma mater so much! But I am so excited for my new experience in Texas! As we approached the Arizona/California border, I definitely got very teary eyed and nostalgic. I built a very good family community in Arizona and I am very sad to leave it behind.While I am very excited for Texas I am so very scared to rebuild my support network, it just seems so scary. I am lucky that I will be moving somewhere I already (sorta) know people and have friends! Someone has already even said they would pick me up from the airport!

So, summer... will be kind of short. 8 weeks! I will be at Sacramento State University working as a summer intern for conferencing! It seems a little unreal but it will be quite nice to have income! And this will also be great practice for living in an apartment in a city where I don't know anyone. I won't lie, it has been lonely and I hope in Texas we will all hang out! Enough for now!