Mirror of Erised

Dear Best Friend,

I am so sorry I haven't written in a long, long, long time! No excuses though. Today is a day of reflection, because I feel like so much is happening, has happened, and will continue to happen. I've already been here since July, it has been 3 months - going on 4 - that I have lived in Lubbock, TX. It seems like just yesterday I was moving back to California. There is so much to reflect about right now and I don't know where to start, except with maybe friendship - that always seems like a great place.

I think one lesson I am continually learning and reminding myself of is that I need to just be comfortable with myself and secure in my position in the world, because I am going to create my own happiness. Other people are going to have an influence, but how I respond is ultimately my decision. The question is always going to be to play it safe or get hurt - I think I'm allowing myself the opportunity to get hurt. I have expectations of my friends, and I hope they have them back for me. I also know I have allowed myself to feel connected to these new friends, and that all excites and terrifies me because I want these people in my life for a significant amount of my life (a.k.a the rest of it). I need to feel secure in my position as these people's friend, and know that they like me for me, but sometimes that's hard, it can be hard to feel valued back - and this issue is rooted deeper then the here and now. Life is good, it is better to have loved then never have loved at all. And I love my new friends. I love my life and myself!

This is just one of the many things on my mind as of late. But friend I want to know what you think about hope, and how much control we can actually have on our life? I think hope is the most beautiful ideas in the world. We should teach it to everyone, to hope for better, and faith, to hold faith that all is beautiful in the world. Also friend I promise I will have a new poem for you ASAP!